Fragile: This Drunken College Life

September 27, 2007 at 2:42 pm (Fragile, Jesus, claremont colleges, claremont students, college, college life, drinking in college, feelings, friendship, injustice)

I need Jesus.
There is an aftermath–
Not realizing Kims die, leukemia, blood clot, vegetable—life support, prevention, before
Not realizing Vlads die, depression, friends, hung, prevention, after
Not realizing in sin we all                                                  ( d i e)

Yes, we think it’s far, this                                                 death
And is it really simple to say “I need Jesus”?
When Drugs, Alcohol, Sex (in that order?) usurp as an illusion of freedom?
The rulers of self stupidity

How do you forgive yourself?
How do I forgive myself?
With saliva wasteful words.

I’m sorry I’m the deliverer of        Y         O          U        R       news
Reality: Walking, running, dying                                                alone
Being beyond the gateway,
Only the angels to protest the
Lights, the
Shouts, the
Sleep, the deprived sleep
Dresses making you shatter to pieces
Sick, wounded, hurt— just ill
Torn emotions—can you remember?
Finding new masks in someone else—You drunk
Do you feel fulfilled?

Your purpose gone
Un                            n    o      t         i        c          e         d

In some twisted way, the lights, the shouts
Shout against you, just Die along

Catalyzing that process, much?
STOP!
Frustration is the element,
No zinc
No sulfur
No potassium
No tungsten
No roentgenium
GOLD?
YES! Give us GOD sowecansurvive
soyoucanweep, really, the liquor from your system
I’m sorry I don’t comprehend this–
frustration
interruption
bad days
good follow then bad
more good than bad
Drinks.
But I smell his shirt and his shirt
his shirt smells like disaster
Know the feeling?
Literally and analytically upset–
the sensation in which everything is surrounded
by a pack of futile butterflies.
The sheep killing rush where–
Y
O
U
Are the sheep and
YOU
Are that homicidal psycho, loser
It’s the science of death catalyzed
into a recognized bloomy school…
–ground zero’s location’s traffic jam making me so…so
Ill
I need Jesus.

I have not collapsed into the fluid cycle, submissively
But I dwell in the now, and it’s hard to keep on paddling away, should I submit?
These booty-trapped minds enslaved by possible capsules shocking me
Turning me ill

And sickly, I sit on the earth’s trash vomiting it all

Loving this campus life, not realizing the effects of its aftermath
———————————————–

Loving a lie, not realizing in Adam all die
Loving a lie, not realizing in Adam all die
Loving a lie, not realizing in Adam all die
Loving a lie, not realizing in Adam all die
- Lauryn Hill, “The Mystery of Iniquity”

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Are the Claremont Students supporting racism?: Jena 6

September 20, 2007 at 1:08 pm (Uncategorized)

Every student around me has a drive to become the next MLK, Gandhi, Oprah, whoever. Stop trying and begin to think about the actions you support!

I applaud whoever decided to have the 5 Claremont schools unite and march around campus. It’s noble and it shows we care. However, whoever though that wearing a BLACK shirt would help the cause, I need to meet you. YOU did not think about all the different labels the color black contains.

Black students are being oppressed. Black students were threatened with a gun. Black students were bullied. But Black students fought back and are now charged with ridiculous accounts. However, if these incidents were different—-if the white students were being oppressed at school, if the black students were threatened with a gun, if the black students ended up beating up a black student and were being charged with similar accounts, the whites would be fighting for lesser charges, and the blacks would fight for greater charges.

This world is not white and black. I am a beautiful shade of brown. I will personally not wear a black shirt. Wearing a black shirt would make me feel as though i’m fighting for those “black brothers” or those “black sisters” and not for the simple fact that our justice system is not fair.

I am fighting the injustice. I am not fighting racism with racism. And I advise you not to either because then your steps around campus WILL MEAN NOTHING.

I am marching with a GREEN shirt.
Green—a symbol of growth and of nature. We are naturally equal.

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l’adieu parfait?

September 1, 2007 at 1:13 pm (college, communication, feelings, friendship)

Think life’s not a theatre? My mind’s the perfect stage. Several plays showcase situations through every angle, believable or not. This “saying goodbye” reality, however, was not properly rehearsed and I was honestly scared.

My Grandma always said “Adios” was forever and “hasta luego” was casual. I said Adios to my Grandma at age nine. I can’t explain the feeling, but it felt fatal. I had a seasony red&green dress. I call her sometimes…but the sound of her voice does not compare to her touch. It’s achy.

My stage plays the scene, but I was nine—most of it is improv, I can’t remember the exact lines. It was a Sunday.

The KIPP survivors promised to regroup. We’ll apply to the same colleges. For that scene, I have the correct lines—emails, chat archives, notebook entries, scarifications…we’ll apply to the same colleges. St. Edwards, University of Houston, UTSA, UTAustin, UTArlington, Southwestern, Rochester, Scripps, Dartmouth, Georgetown.

That goodbye sensation was in my stomach way before we all had to say our goodbyes. Our promise should’ve been We’ll attend the same school. Bummer.

I am sitting, legs crossed, in front of my laptop, typing away my second day in a dorm that fits three.

The saying goodbye part was cryable. I debated whether I was going to use “Adios” or “Hasta Luego,” but when the time came I could only hold back the water balloon within me while saying “bye.” It was 3:30am.

I keep playing the lines over and over again. Maybe I should have stayed?

Nope. I love Scripps already.

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